Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
