we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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