the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
