We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
