I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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