TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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