you guys were way drunker than both of me
tell your sister to shave her snatch
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
