Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
