like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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