Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize