talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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