so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We left the knife in your bed.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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