in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize