omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
