dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
