vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
