whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
