i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
