You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
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The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
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You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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