If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it's like iHOP with fire
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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