between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
