You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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