Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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