I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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