Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
