Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my vag is so smooth its legendary
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We smell like vodka and hangover
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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