i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
