I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
