Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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