my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
