dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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