I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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