He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
