Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
