After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
