He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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