i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
