I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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