if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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