Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
