Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
