and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
