u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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