why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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