ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
