My first STD was from a foam party
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
