i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
