i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
