My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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