allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
