he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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