Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
