Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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