I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
