i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
