I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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