My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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