She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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