Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
