oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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