Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
