he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
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I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
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The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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