I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
