I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think I died a long time ago.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
