Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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