i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
