Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
