Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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