Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
