in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
