omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize