Umm I'm too high to move.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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