I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
