While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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