Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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