she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
