since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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