the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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