R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
That's when you crack a 10am beer
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
