Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
