SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
